We Had A Fight!

We= Me and the Boyfriend

Now I should just let this go, but I cant sleep so I thought the only way to get it out is to write it down. Then maybe I can sleep.

So today was any normal day. Spent the night over at his house, had a wonderful morning with him, went shopping at the stamping convention and spent way to much money, came home, worked on report cards, had a bottle of wine, and he came over after going to the bar with a few friends.

So I was drunk already when he came over....Apparently so was he! He tells me that he is pissy and I ask why. He tells me that I don't need to know. Now come on! When somebody tells you that you don't need to know then you know you need to know!!! Right!! So I got mad. I had every right to be mad. He wants me to open up and tell him my feelings and thoughts so why shouldn't he. So he must have gotten tired of me being mad and he tells me "I'm thinking about my ex". Not what every girl wants to hear. And he knew that and tried not to tell me in the first place. But I had to know. And I am glad I know! He for some reason doesn't understand why his ex broke up with him and it really bothers him. He told me that he needs to know why, or he needs to hear it from her mouth telling him why she was unhappy with him. I told him cant he just accept the fact that maybe they just were not meant to be together. He said NO! He needs to hear why she didn't want to be with him anymore. I just wanted to cry. What I heard in my head was...Your not good enough, I like you but you are nothing like her, I loved her and only like you! I told him that he had someone that wanted to be with him right in front of his face! You want to know what he said? Well maybe I'm just selfish! Stab to the Heart! So I told him he can go home and he stormed out of the house.

So after shedding a few tears I have come to figure that I was right in the beginning. I am the rebound girl wither he wants to admit it or not. He is still hung up over this girl and I'm just someone that he likes. That is not what I want right now. I want someone who looks at me and thinks "Man, I love this girl and I am so lucky to be with her"

So is it over? I don't know yet. I find myself in that situation again where I have given my heart out again just to find it not wanted. I knocked down my wall and started to open up to somebody just to find myself putting the blocks back up because it is safer that way. The thought of having to be single again is killing me, I wont lie, but it is better then being with someone who cant get over an ex and give their heart to you. I'm getting to old for this!

Shats OUT! @ 11:05 PM